Heartbreaks are very PAINFUL. No matter what anyone tells
you, let’s first and foremost accept that it hurts, and it hurts real bad. Every
relation is different and so are the reasons for breaking up. While it’s easy
to advice on keeping it together, we all know how difficult it truly is. I’m
sure most of us have gone through a break-up and have in time recuperated with
scars that have healed over time. Its exigent to know that inspite of the
amazing connection you may have had with your ex, moving on is difficult yet
vital. The following pointers will aid in the process of letting go.
Quit Stalking
Though none of us
admits it, stalking is something we all have been guilty of. I know it’s very difficult to not want to know what your ex is upto. However avoid the person you broke up with for a while, don't
visit his Facebook profile, don't try to message him and don't do anything that
can make your mind believe that there is hope. The fastest way to get over a
breakup is to kill hope completely. Unfriend him/her from social media. Don’t
send an ‘accidental’ message that you intended for someone
else (Don’t snigger, I’m so sure you have done that) Don’t ask your friends to
tell him/her you’ve been thinking of him. STOP. Yes, it’s very difficult. But
none of this is helping you heal. And you need to stop obsessing
about would of, could of, should of head-trips must stop NOW. The best way
to do it is to say, "STOP!" If the thoughts won't stop,
then say, "NO! STOP NOW!" If they persist, then
continue, “ENOUGH! NO MORE! STOP!” Saying, "STOP!" interrupts
the obsessive thought process and breaks the cycle of pain. Immediately,
redirect your thoughts away to something good that is happening in your life
(which won’t be easy)
It’s ok to cry
Grief
process is a process. Surrender and listen to your feelings. Don't ignore or
stuff them down. Let the tears flow and express your anger. Ignored emotions
will only make you calloused and afraid. One way of unloading your feelings is
to write out what might be too difficult to say out loud to others. Or better yet, start a dialogue with your broken heart, asking this part of you
questions and giving it the solace and attention it needs right
now. Suppressed emotions can turn into depression or
can result in many other bad moods. Express your emotions whenever you feel
like it without thinking that there is any hope.
Keep yourself busy
This
one might sound a little cliché, but it’s helpful. Left alone with nothing but
boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and
depressed, start scheming up ways to get your ex back, start plotting revenge
or other non-healthy shenanigans. The best and difficult thing is to try
and connect with your friends do the things you have been putting off, cook
meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer where your heart tells you to,
anything. Exercise your blues away. The absence of pleasure-producing
endorphins after a break up can make you feel sluggish and miserable. Exercise
increases your endorphins. Make a promise to do something active for 30 minutes
a day for 30 days
Stop “being friends” or sleeping with your ex
Your ex may send you mixed signals or keep being undecided
about what he/she wants. And you and your heart get bounced around like a Ping-Pong
ball. Your ex may very well be confused, but he’s also getting his ego rubbed
by you sticking around pining for him while he figures out if he wants to be
with you or not. It still baffles me to no end when a woman is still sleeping with
her ex, and is under the impression that this is the answer to get him back.
He’s sleeping with you because you’re willing, not because he’s thinking about
getting back together If the person stringing you along isn’t at least 99.9%
sure he wants to be with you, leave his ass. He may be a master at giving you
one glimmer of hope that sooner or later he’ll want to be with you, but in the
meantime it’s your heart that is being abused, neglected and disrespected.
Total deal breaker.
And the thing with being friends, what do we usually do with
our friends? Confide, talk about whom we’re dating now. Do you really want to
do that with your ex? Do you want to hear about which girls he thinks are hot?
If you can truthfully say you have absolutely no emotional attachment to him at
all, and it doesn’t hurt one bit, knock yourself out. But, in the beginning,
when you’re still hurting and grieving, cut your ties completely. You need the
space.
Make peace with the fact that you may never be 100% over it
Many times I don’t think people get to a place where they
are 100% non-feeling about their past relationships. Perhaps it’s like a scar on
their hearts. There is a great deal of healing, but there is still some
residual sting associated with it. But, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It
doesn’t have to mean that you still want to be with your ex, or still have
feelings for that person. It just means that you’re human, you had an
emotional, probably intimate attachment to this person and that’s okay. It’s
what you do with those thoughts is what counts. If the thoughts of your ex send
you tail spinning into grief, or hating yourself for what you did in the
relationship or because he broke up with you, that’s where it can get dangerous
But, if you still think of this person and have some minor hurt feelings over
it, in my opinion, it’s normal.
Allow yourself to be alone
Yes you have always done things with your partner, and the
very thought of having to do it alone brings up a downpour of memories. But
that doesn’t mean that you either jump from one relation to another. Rebound
has never been the answer to heal out from within. You need some alone time to
understand and prioritize your life around YOU. To experience the loneliness,
to find out what you really want in relationships, your life, your future. You
will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship
work, and pulling your hair out wondering what the hell is wrong with you or
him. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you
don’t know yourself yet. So wait, heal and then move on.
Don’t punish yourself
Often people punish
themselves, taking the blame for a broken relationship. You need to realize
that a relationship between two individuals weakens because of issues that creep
up as a result of the two individuals in it. If an outsider is the cause of
your broken relationship, it means that you two didn't have a relation in the
first place. Meditate, don't
medicate - Avoid overusing drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and coffee and resist
the urge to stuff down your feelings using chocolate and food. You'll only end
up feeling worse about yourself. In times of stress, having a drink or eating a
quart of ice cream may be tempting, but doing so will only cause you to spiral
down into a depression, lose sleep and gain weight. Instead, take five minutes
to sit quietly and try doing the most difficult thing during this period,
meditate, and practice yoga or deep breathing. Eat healthfully and
regularly. Your body can't function properly without the proper nutrition.
Don't skip meals or resort to convenience food. Treat yourself as if you were
your own child -- eat wholesome meals that are balanced and freshly made.
Don’t Isolate yourself
Many people isolate themselves from their friends as soon as
they get into a relationship. They make their relationship partner the center
of their world and that's why they feel that they lost the whole world when
they breakup with them. As much as you might want to, avoid isolating yourself
from others. Ask for help and talk to a friend who you know is a good listener.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. Don't think of this as time wasted because
you aren't with that special person, but as precious time you need to reinvest
in a healthier, more grounded and more spiritually enlightened you.
Closure
Hope
is an amazing virtue. However not during a break-up. People who live on hope of returning back go a
step further by always day dreaming about the person they broke up with, by
waiting for him to call and wishing that they meet him in the streets by
coincidence. The main reason people accept the death of loved ones and fail to
accept breakups for years is the presence of hope. Your mind will never trigger
the recovery process before it makes sure that there is no hope of returning
back. To recover faster from breakups kill hope completely by calling the
person you broke up with and making sure that this was the end.
Fix
your beliefs
As soon as most people breakup
they start listening to sad songs, watching sad movies and even searching the
internet for sad breakup
quotes. These stuff can do you nothing but reinforce limiting
beliefs such as "He was the one”,"I cant live without him" The
movies you watched, the songs you listened to and the culture you got exposed
to made you believe in terms such as "The one" or "The Soul
mate" while in fact, there are hundreds of potential partners out there
that you could fall in love with and the reason you aren't meeting any of them
is because of the limiting beliefs you acquired from the media.
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