10 ways to heal post Break up






Heartbreaks are very PAINFUL. No matter what anyone tells you, let’s first and foremost accept that it hurts, and it hurts real bad. Every relation is different and so are the reasons for breaking up. While it’s easy to advice on keeping it together, we all know how difficult it truly is. I’m sure most of us have gone through a break-up and have in time recuperated with scars that have healed over time. Its exigent to know that inspite of the amazing connection you may have had with your ex, moving on is difficult yet vital. The following pointers will aid in the process of letting go.


Quit Stalking

Though none of us admits it, stalking is something we all have been guilty of. I know it’s very difficult to not want to know what your ex is upto. However avoid the person you broke up with for a while, don't visit his Facebook profile, don't try to message him and don't do anything that can make your mind believe that there is hope. The fastest way to get over a breakup is to kill hope completely. Unfriend him/her from social media. Don’t send an ‘accidental’ message that you intended for someone else (Don’t snigger, I’m so sure you have done that) Don’t ask your friends to tell him/her you’ve been thinking of him. STOP. Yes, it’s very difficult. But none of this is helping you heal.  And you need to stop obsessing about would of, could of, should of head-trips must stop NOW. The best way to do it is to say, "STOP!" If the thoughts won't stop, then say, "NO! STOP NOW!" If they persist, then continue, “ENOUGH! NO MORE! STOP!” Saying, "STOP!" interrupts the obsessive thought process and breaks the cycle of pain. Immediately, redirect your thoughts away to something good that is happening in your life (which won’t be easy)


It’s ok to cry


Grief process is a process. Surrender and listen to your feelings. Don't ignore or stuff them down. Let the tears flow and express your anger. Ignored emotions will only make you calloused and afraid. One way of unloading your feelings is to write out what might be too difficult to say out loud to others. Or better yet, start a dialogue with your broken heart, asking this part of you questions and giving it the solace and attention it needs right now. Suppressed emotions can turn into depression or can result in many other bad moods. Express your emotions whenever you feel like it without thinking that there is any hope.

Keep yourself busy




This one might sound a little cliché, but it’s helpful. Left alone with nothing but boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and depressed, start scheming up ways to get your ex back, start plotting revenge or other non-healthy shenanigans. The best and difficult thing is to try and connect with your friends do the things you have been putting off, cook meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer where your heart tells you to, anything. Exercise your blues away. The absence of pleasure-producing endorphins after a break up can make you feel sluggish and miserable. Exercise increases your endorphins. Make a promise to do something active for 30 minutes a day for 30 days

Stop “being friends” or sleeping with your ex



Your ex may send you mixed signals or keep being undecided about what he/she wants. And you and your heart get bounced around like a Ping-Pong ball. Your ex may very well be confused, but he’s also getting his ego rubbed by you sticking around pining for him while he figures out if he wants to be with you or not. It still baffles me to no end when a woman is still sleeping with her ex, and is under the impression that this is the answer to get him back. He’s sleeping with you because you’re willing, not because he’s thinking about getting back together If the person stringing you along isn’t at least 99.9% sure he wants to be with you, leave his ass. He may be a master at giving you one glimmer of hope that sooner or later he’ll want to be with you, but in the meantime it’s your heart that is being abused, neglected and disrespected. Total deal breaker.

And the thing with being friends, what do we usually do with our friends? Confide, talk about whom we’re dating now. Do you really want to do that with your ex? Do you want to hear about which girls he thinks are hot? If you can truthfully say you have absolutely no emotional attachment to him at all, and it doesn’t hurt one bit, knock yourself out. But, in the beginning, when you’re still hurting and grieving, cut your ties completely. You need the space.

Make peace with the fact that you may never be 100% over it

Many times I don’t think people get to a place where they are 100% non-feeling about their past relationships. Perhaps it’s like a scar on their hearts. There is a great deal of healing, but there is still some residual sting associated with it. But, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t have to mean that you still want to be with your ex, or still have feelings for that person.  It just means that you’re human, you had an emotional, probably intimate attachment to this person and that’s okay. It’s what you do with those thoughts is what counts. If the thoughts of your ex send you tail spinning into grief, or hating yourself for what you did in the relationship or because he broke up with you, that’s where it can get dangerous But, if you still think of this person and have some minor hurt feelings over it, in my opinion, it’s normal.

Allow yourself to be alone



Yes you have always done things with your partner, and the very thought of having to do it alone brings up a downpour of memories. But that doesn’t mean that you either jump from one relation to another. Rebound has never been the answer to heal out from within. You need some alone time to understand and prioritize your life around YOU.  To experience the loneliness, to find out what you really want in relationships, your life, your future. You will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship work, and pulling your hair out wondering what the hell is wrong with you or him. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you don’t know yourself yet. So wait, heal and then move on.

Don’t punish yourself



Often people punish themselves, taking the blame for a broken relationship. You need to realize that  a relationship between two individuals weakens because of issues that creep up as a result of the two individuals in it. If an outsider is the cause of your broken relationship, it means that you two didn't have a relation in the first place. Meditate, don't medicate - Avoid overusing drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and coffee and resist the urge to stuff down your feelings using chocolate and food. You'll only end up feeling worse about yourself. In times of stress, having a drink or eating a quart of ice cream may be tempting, but doing so will only cause you to spiral down into a depression, lose sleep and gain weight. Instead, take five minutes to sit quietly and try doing the most difficult thing during this period, meditate, and practice yoga or deep breathing. Eat healthfully and regularly. Your body can't function properly without the proper nutrition. Don't skip meals or resort to convenience food. Treat yourself as if you were your own child -- eat wholesome meals that are balanced and freshly made.

Don’t Isolate yourself




Many people isolate themselves from their friends as soon as they get into a relationship. They make their relationship partner the center of their world and that's why they feel that they lost the whole world when they breakup with them. As much as you might want to, avoid isolating yourself from others. Ask for help and talk to a friend who you know is a good listener. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Don't think of this as time wasted because you aren't with that special person, but as precious time you need to reinvest in a healthier, more grounded and more spiritually enlightened you.

Closure



Hope is an amazing virtue. However not during a break-up.  People who live on hope of returning back go a step further by always day dreaming about the person they broke up with, by waiting for him to call and wishing that they meet him in the streets by coincidence. The main reason people accept the death of loved ones and fail to accept breakups for years is the presence of hope. Your mind will never trigger the recovery process before it makes sure that there is no hope of returning back. To recover faster from breakups kill hope completely by calling the person you broke up with and making sure that this was the end.

Fix your beliefs




As soon as most people breakup they start listening to sad songs, watching sad movies and even searching the internet for sad breakup quotes. These stuff can do you nothing but reinforce limiting beliefs such as "He was the one”,"I cant live without him" The movies you watched, the songs you listened to and the culture you got exposed to made you believe in terms such as "The one" or "The Soul mate" while in fact, there are hundreds of potential partners out there that you could fall in love with and the reason you aren't meeting any of them is because of the limiting beliefs you acquired from the media.




Tinu Menachery

Tinu Menachery is a restless soul. She loves trying new things that don't involve water, as her hydrophobic self is yet to overcome her fear. She loves talking, and can speak for hours together. Drop a mail, if you want her to talk about a particular topic. We all have 'blank mind' days don't we?

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