10 Secrets to a happy marriage

Once you both settle down post marriage, post the celebrations, honeymoon et al , You tend to observe your spouse more closely. Well how would you not? You are with them 24/7. And that's when you notice certain routines, habits, traits that seem alien to you, and you might question your decision on "marrying your spouse" . STOP. BREATHE. No you haven't committed the biggest mistake of your life. Its just that your "LOVE BUBBLE" just broke to reality.

There are certain things you need to integrate in your lives , based on your lifestyle and choices. There are things you need to adapt, understand and also develop within a marriage. Hope these help you as much as it has helped me.



1) TWO is not equal to ONE

That notion of we are not two but one, creates a lot of problems. You are two different people who have been bought up in two completely different environments. Even if you are from the same religious background, you are from two different upbringings altogether. Its important to understand that initially. Your ambitions need not thrive on your partners ambition of what he/she wants from you, it should thrive on what you want from your life, and what your goals and dreams in life are. Your partner should be encouraging and understanding of the nature of your work. However this does not mean that you devote your energy , attention solely towards your work alone.


2) Be the Support system

This was a beautiful piece of advice given by a friend. It worked so well for us that I just have to share it. Irrespective of whether you had an arranged or a love marriage, there is going to be some hiccups when you settle down. You need to have each others back in your respective homes. Ensure that your spouse feels comfortable in your Home. Its your responsibility to get them accustomed to people, places , customs , relations that are prominent in your home, No one knows your home and family better than you do,and hence its your responsibility to ensure that your spouse is comfortable at your place. 

Till you are comfortable with each others families, don't meddle in your spouse's family issues. Let them handle it, volunteer only if asked to.


3) Create a Routine.

Creating a routine has worked wonders for us. You need to figure out what routine best suits your relationship. It can be as simple as a morning kiss, or a morning prayer, a hug/kiss before leaving for work, a text, a call, anything that suits YOUR relation. Just because someone does something , you need not necessarily integrate the same. You can find something unique to the two of you, something you can pursue irrespective of time constraints. It can be either one or more. 

4) Do not talk about your relationship troubles with everyone.

We may have a bazillion friends, but all of them may not be the kind to empathise with your situation. Some infact may find your troubles a topic of discussion with their friends, and may just come to get more out of you. You can have bazillions of friends, however choose wisely whom you share your troubles with. Either ways , do not wash your dirty linen in public, in the end its YOU and YOUR Family that you are talking about. 

Find those set of people whom who can share your worries with , without being bothered about it making headlines among your social circle.



5) Diplomatic Communication

The age old secret to Happy marriages - Communication. Communication is a very important aspect to building a solid foundation. And diplomatic Communication with family members lends  those strong pillars that hold the foundation properly. Its important to be honest , transparent and clear with your spouse. At the same time being diplomatic with your spouse's family is equally important.


6) You WILL FIGHT

Lets face the reality here, our marriages are not the 2.5 hour Hindi Film to "Happily Ever After" . Its a process of two people trying to "fit in". Never ever feel that you are in a Bad marriage, just because you fight every day. Fighting leads to a better perspective and understanding of your partner, Its said and is a known fact, that a persons true nature emerges when they are angry. Post Fight making up is what is more important. Understand the cause and try finding an amicable situation. And just so that you feel better, look at your parents or siblings or friends, dont you fight with them , but you still love them to bits isn't it?



7) Do not try to change each other

Just because you are married to each other, doesn't mean you can mould your spouse to your liking. That is the worst thing you could ever want to do to someone. You married your significant other with their qualities/habits both good ,bad, annoying and ugly. Trying to tone down certain habit that may effect their health etc is fine, but not who they are. Before making changes in their lifestyles with regard to health, be sure to keep a realistic approach. Old habits die Hard, really hard.


8) Knowing your partners need for attention.

Often we are not vocal about getting a Hug, or holding hands et all. You need to attune yourself to your partners gestures, eye contacts , head tilts etc to understand what he/she needs. It will take time, definitely, but its worth it.


9) Be their personal Cheerleader

Motivating each other, complementing each other, appreciating, emphasizing goes a very long way in building your foundation towards a strong relation. It is these small things that bring you closer. Let your families know of your spouse's achievement with pride, and in turn you will see them glowing with happiness. Be proud of your Partner. He/She is YOUR Choice.



10) Make time for yourself

Marriage is not only about two people growing together, its also about two different in individuals, You need to make time for a Boys/Girls night out and unwind. Or a leisure stroll by yourself. Time for your self will only enhance your relation with your spouse. It will create mutual respect and space for rejuvenation. And the plus point , is when you get back you will always have loads to talk about.



P;S - Marriage isn't Rocket Science, it's a destination worth being at .

Tinu Menachery

Tinu Menachery is a restless soul. She loves trying new things that don't involve water, as her hydrophobic self is yet to overcome her fear. She loves talking, and can speak for hours together. Drop a mail, if you want her to talk about a particular topic. We all have 'blank mind' days don't we?

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